Letting Your Secret Slip
You’ve probably been a swinger for a while now. Not many brand-new swingers want to self-apply the label. Once you’ve started thinking about coming out of the swinging closet, it starts to take over every moment you’re not thinking about something else. You’ll have to make a decision at some point, after a lot of discussion with your partner and that decision could go either way. The good thing about making it is that the constant thought tends to calm down or even go away entirely. The bad thing is that you then have to follow through on your decision. Below are some of our thoughts that may sway that decision one way or the other.
Pros: Let It Out
You’re an adult, and you should be able to talk about your recreation. You might not be able to talk about this recreation in much detail, since it’s your sex life, and you certainly can’t talk about others you swing with, without their permission, since it could affect their lives negatively. Regardless, though talking about it as much as you can might help settle any thoughts you want to air on the whole subject—swinging, monogamy, any of it. It’s also a relief not to have to keep a big secret like where you go every Friday night or why you didn’t invite your sister over last Saturday when you had that party. If you let people in on your little secret, you can at least honestly say, “I won’t be at the bar on Friday. We’re going to the club,” or, “Do you want to come to a swinger party?”
Cons: Keep the Door Closed
You might not want to open the swingers’ version of Pandora’s Box in a few situations. If you’re a parent, especially a parent who might have a custody dispute, you definitely should not tell anyone that you’re a swinger. That way, no one can know in the event of court or child services investigations. Unfair as it is, you’d be judged just because you like to have sex with people not in your relationship, and it would probably be taken as a moral failing. If you’re in a position where you have to be any kind of example, such as a business head, a teacher, or a minister, you’d be similarly judged. As a minister, you’d be defrocked; as a teacher, you’d be fired and have a hard time finding another job.
The Bottom Line
If you don’t have kids, aren’t in a position of authority over kids, and aren’t into any sort of moral authority, then you might be swayed toward coming out. There are reasons you might feel better if you do, especially that you won’t be worried about being found out. On the other hand, if you have or deal with kids, you don’t ever want to seem depraved, and in a puritanical society, swinging is seen as depravity. Keep it to yourself.