When You Decide to Start Swinging
It’s easy enough to mention swinging on a whim. Maybe you got caught checking out that cashier at the grocery store and want to turn it into a joke, or maybe you know someone into the lifestyle. Either way, you might not have meant it when you first brought it up. Now, you’re seriously considering it. You’re reading blogs, message boards, and whatever else you can find; you’ve even found a local listing for clubs or parties. You and your partner are talking about it, and you think you might do it. Before you commit, here are some things you should know.
First: It’s Not Just About Sex
Swinging involves people outside your relationship and it is usually about sex. You might get friends from it but before you start, you need to sit down and figure out how to make it work in your relationship. Within your relationship, you should commit to keep communication open and be honest. You should only have sex with someone when your partner explicitly knows and has given his/her consent. We’ll be honest; not every relationship can survive a transition to swinging. When it doesn’t, it’s not about swinging; it’s about lack of communication or honesty, cheating, or feeling more jealousy than one or both of you can handle.
Second: Know the Rules
There are some basic rules about swinging. First, you need to have everyone’s consent. Second, you need to use protection unless everyone consents. Third, no cheating; swinging is with everyone’s consent and knowledge, not sneaking behind anyone’s back. You also need to know your local club’s rules or rules of the party, things like if you can drink there or be under the influence of anything when you show up, if you can go alone sometimes (say, if your partner is out of town but has agreed to you going alone), and so forth. Know the local etiquette, and you’ll be okay.
Third: Know Your Limits
Before you start swinging, you need to decide if you’re going to go all in your first time, or if you’re going to start with soft swinging. Soft swinging means things like kissing, touching and more up to oral sex, or just having sex in the same room as another couple. Some couples you meet will be okay with this; some won’t. It’s the same as with any other limit or request. You don’t have to start partner-swapping and have penetrative sex the very first time. If you want, then that’s great but is your partner also willing for such sex? Will you be able to handle seeing that right away? It can be incredibly hot to see your partner having sex with someone else, but you need to be ready for it. For some people, it requires a lot of understanding, and that’s fine.
Before you start swinging, you need to realize it’s not all about sex. You also need to know your local community’s rules and etiquette. Finally, you need to know and set your limits before you get started. Follow these and you’ll have a great time.