Does Swinging Make for Better Relationships?
Swinging, like any lifestyle choice a couple might commit to, requires communication to be successful. While parents can turn to others about problems with their children, successful swinger couples have to rely more on each other to make things work. Think of how much polyamorous people must communicate to keep their relationships alive. Now apply it to a lifestyle that’s a little bit poly, but mostly monogamous. Now you have swinging. We think it means successful couples have better relationships in most ways you can name: sex life, communication, love, intangibles like being “in tune”, and more.
This one has to be at least halfway obvious to anyone who’s tried swinging or anything like it. Sex lives for couples can get stale and at this point they need to shake things up one way or another. For swingers, this shaking up happens pretty often, every time you go to parties. It’s a change of pace with either a familiar or unfamiliar other person for each half of the couple. When you get back together, you might have something new to try what you learned from your sex partner, or you might just appreciate being with someone you know so well. Either way, it gives your relationship a new life.
Communication is a huge point in any relationship. In a relationship where you often have sex with other people, it’s even more important. Each half of the couple has to be willing to talk about whether or not they’re interested in going to a party, if they want to pick up a couple together or go off with separate people, discuss what the sex was like, and keep communication lines clear enough that neither ends up in suspicion that the other is actually cheating. It’s kind of a big deal if a couple can do all that.
We can’t prove that swinging couples are more in love; we’re pretty sure that’s immeasurable outside 1960s game shows. But with every couple we talk to, each half tells us about their partner’s interests, what they like in a swinging partner, what makes their partner tick, and more. When we ask if they’re uncomfortable swinging, they always tell us something like, “I was at first. But then we went to more parties and got more into it, and I realized how much I loved him and wanted us both to be happy.” When we ask if that ever made them want to stop going, they say things like, “It’s what made me realize how much in love we are. Why would I want to stop?”
The intangibles are things like, “I know how she likes her coffee and that she’d want one after her day, since it was especially busy,” or, “That looks like a book he’d like, so I’ll buy it and leave it in his bag before his trip. He’ll never read it if it’s on the Kindle.” These couples don’t just know each other, but they are intimate mentally. And time after time, we hear from our swinging friends and readers about that kind of thing.
So do swinging couples really have better relationships? We think so.