Taking the Plunge
You’ve probably done a lot of reading about swinging by now. You know what goes on at parties and that couples usually hook up with other couples, instead of going off on their own. You’ve probably even posted to message boards to talk to people in your area or get the input of experienced swingers on how to handle things. We’re guessing that none of those things have been able to handle your nervous factor. It’s perfectly normal to be nervous, even worried or anxious, before getting to the club or party. Here are some tips for handling it.
Tip One: Plan Ahead
Before you get there, you and your partner need to talk about your limits. Are you sticking to soft swinging (massage, kissing, things up to oral sex, or having sex in the same room as another couple) or are you going to jump in the deep? What’s going to be your signal if you want to leave immediately, no matter what your partner is doing? Do you have a good supply of condoms in case the club doesn’t provide them or runs out? (In our experience, this isn’t likely, but if it makes you feel better, then brings some.) Is there anything you don’t want to do? What are you looking for in a couple to swap with? Talk about all this, every contingency and detail you can think of, and you’ll feel better when you get there.
Tip Two: On Arrival
When you get to the club or party, stick with your partner. You’ll probably both feel better if you’re not far from one another to start with. That way, you can keep in contact and talk to one another about how you each feel, plus about the couples around you and if there are any you might want to hook up or swap with. You should still be able to talk about things; if you can’t, you might want to reconsider being there. Swinging is supposed to be fun, and it usually makes couples happier and brings them closer; if it’s not doing that, it’s time to think about coming back.
Tip Three: Fake It Till You Make It
When you’re ready to approach another couple, make sure your partner is also ready. Then it’s time to suck it up and make the advance. Act confident when you start talking to them. Try not to be too forward; they’re the ones who are going to decide to accept or reject you, since you took the initiative. Don’t touch, at least not more than flirting, until the one who might be your sex partner does. Keep your cool as best as you can. If you want, you can admit this is your first time.
If another couple approaches you, keep calm. If you and your partner need to be in contact, sit close enough so that your arms or legs touch; you don’t want to look clingy or overly possessive, but you do want to reassure yourself and your partner as much as needed. Don’t be afraid to set limits or even reject the other couple. Most couples can handle that in a fine way.
In either case, be up front about what you want. If you’re there for soft swinging, say that. Don’t lie; it starts you off with the wrong reputation. Overall, if you keep calm, stay upfront, and aren’t pushy, you’ll be fine. And don’t forget to have fun.