The Bi(g) Question
There’s a persistent rumor that most swingers are bisexual. It probably got started because swinging is one way to get what you want from your own gender while being faithful to your lover. (Another would be polygamy, but not everyone is cut out for that.) We’re sure that plenty of swingers are bisexual. That’s always sounded like a stretch to us, so we found three couples and polled them. All names have been changed.
Sandra and Larry
Sandra and Larry are in their late thirties. They’ve been married for fifteen years and have three kids. When we talked over the phone, Sandra, who’s a marriage counselor, seemed amused by the idea.
“I don’t think many more people in the swinger community are bisexual than in the average population,” she said. “I think more people are experimenting, but I don’t think there’s too much of a percentage difference.”
Larry added, “In our community I haven’t heard a lot of guys talking about being bisexual. They don’t see anything wrong with it, but even the ones I know have had sex with guys that say they’re straight. Like she said, they’re experimenting.”
Sandra continued, “There’s nothing wrong with experimenting. It’s probably healthier to do that as swingers than to cheat on their partners, and it doesn’t even hurt the person they’re experimenting with.”
Ava and Sidney
Ava and Sidney is a couple with an age gap. Ava isn’t quite thirty; Sidney is nearly fifty. They don’t have any children, though Ava says she wants them. We spoke to them together over the phone.
“Most people?” Ava repeated. “No, I don’t think so. It’d be easier to get couples we could swap to our own genders with if they were.”
Sidney agreed. “I’ve been swinging since the eighties, and I can’t say I’ve ever been in a community where most of the people were bisexual.”
“Not even San Francisco?” Ava teased.
He laughed and said. “Not even there.”
“But you two are, aren’t you?” we asked.
“Yes,” Ava said. “Everyone in our community knows it. You’d think we’d have an easier time finding couples if so many swingers are bi.”
Donna and Toby
Donna and Toby are in their early sixties. They’ve been together for nearly thirty years and have been swingers for about twenty years. Donna was the only one to invite us to use her real name, though we declined; “We don’t have kids or grandkids to worry about,” she said.
When we asked about their experiences with bisexuality in their community, Toby said, “I’ve never believed that so many were bisexual. I’ve always known a lot of people who experiment, but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re straight. They just like to try something different sometimes.”
Donna agreed. “We’d know it if there were a lot of bisexual swingers in our community.”
Just a Rumor?
There probably is a swinging community, somewhere, that’s mostly made up of bisexuals. It sounds like it might be fun to visit sometime. The couples we polled, though, are from across the country; most of them have lived in and have been a part of swinger communities in cities across the country. Most of them have some personal experience with bisexuality. If they say that the rumor is just a rumor, we’ll have to agree.